Music and Parenthood: How to Navigate Your Music Career after Becoming a Parent

Becoming a parent is one of the most unique human experiences, often bringing a whirlwind of emotions. You might experience joy, thrill, and happiness, but also fear, confusion, and a sense of losing yourself — all at the same time. Many say that parenthood marks a new, magical chapter in life, but it can also feel like an end to the things you once loved and pursued passionately, including your dreams and ambitions.

As an aspiring artist, having a newborn might feel like there’s no more room for your art and music career. You may feel you need to devote all your time and energy to being a parent, and require a more stable occupation to secure your family’s future.

Now, by no means do we want to spread negativity surrounding parenthood or, worse, discourage you from having a child. Nor do we second the societal view that a career in the creative industries is incompatible with a family life or that parenthood means your life must now revolve solely around your child.

We just want you to know that however you feel is valid. While parenthood can undoubtedly be an amazing experience, we don’t want to pressure you to feel a certain way by glorifying it.

It is also crucial to approach the topic with kindness and respect, especially towards new mothers, who often feel the most pressure to sacrifice their lives to nurture and care for a child. They are also the ones who frequently encounter skepticism, suspicion, prejudice, and various forms of mistreatment, including discrimination and sexism.

As highlighted in a Pitchfork article, children have long been considered ‘career killers’ for female artists, not just by taking away time from their work but also by altering their bodies through pregnancy and becoming a central part of their identity (as perceived by society).

The industry itself has historically been hostile towards artist mothers, often responding with misunderstanding and rejection rather than flexibility, support, and increased awareness of their situation. Although perceptions have shifted — thanks in part to successful artists like Beyoncé, Adele, Halsey, or Meghan Trainor — many modern musician mothers still face undue pressure.

Country singer-songwriter Margo Price expressed this challenge, saying, “It’s ingrained in the back of our heads that we have some kind of shelf life, and if you’re not fuckable, no one’s going to want to see you perform or hear what you have to say.” Ukrainian artist Anna Perach shared a similar view in an interview with the Guardian: “My experience is that motherhood is considered a bit taboo in the art world. It is accepted as if the artist ‘sold out’ or joined the bourgeoisie. It’s often met by others in the art community with a mix of underlying feelings of rejection, jealousy, or both.”

Artist mothers receive various messages from society. Besides getting told they are no longer attractive and interesting to the music industry, they hear that parenting stifles their creativity. More significantly, however, they are also made to feel guilty for not fully dedicating themselves to raising and spending time with their children — a guilt they frequently feel on their own. As a New York Times Magazine article points out “It’s as if there were only one way to be an artist and only one way to be a mother: all in.”

There are, of course, also the financial implications to motherhood in the music industry. Beyond the ongoing gender pay gap, there is (reportedly) an increasingly widening gap in regard to parenting. Female artists with children tend to earn less than their male counterparts and female artists without children. They are also less likely to be hired.

Despite the obstacles and challenging circumstances, many artists have found immense joy and fulfillment through their roles as parents and musicians, acknowledging the importance of nurturing their passion and pursuing their dreams alongside parenthood.

Reflecting on her experience of making music as a new mother, American guitarist Colin Tucker shared, “When you’re sleep deprived and your hormones are raging, you’re vulnerable to internal negative loop. But music is so cathartic and energizing. That was always my solace: playing shows and making music. It kept me going.” Similarly, Belgian musician Charlotte Adigéry highlighted the euphoric energy she felt when returning to performing after having a child, likening it to ”dopamine shots of gratefulness and ecstasy.”

There’s no denying that pursuing your passion for music and maintaining an active music career while becoming a parent is challenging. But, it’s not impossible. Hannah Joy, lead singer of the Australian indie rock band Middle Kids, has emphasized the importance of encouraging fellow female musicians to pursue their dreams and not let the industry convince them otherwise. Provided it’s something they want, of course.

The aim of this article is ultimately to do just that — support and encourage the new and soon-to-be parents as they navigate their musical passions and careers. Let’s explore some tips and tricks to help you along the way.

Some sources say that it might be best to return to one’s musical pursuits once children grow older. While we don’t fully agree with this perspective, we believe it’s important for everyone to proceed at their own pace. Staying true to yourself and your passions means taking the time you need to process major life changes and dedicating yourself to music once you’re ready.

This doesn’t mean waiting for everything to be perfect before you return to your art — because when has anything ever been perfect — but rather recognizing that taking the necessary time can benefit your well-being, your child, and ultimately, your music.

That said, we understand that taking time might not be possible for everyone, especially those with established careers in music who have to provide for their families. There are many communities, forums, and organizations dedicated to supporting and advocating for parents in the music industry. These include Parenthood in Music, Parent Artist Advocacy for Performing Arts and Media, and shesaid.co, which you can reach out to for support and guidance.

Remember how, just a few paragraphs ago, I mentioned that musician mothers are often told that parenthood may stifle their creativity and thus negatively impact their art? Well, multiple sources, including scientific research, suggest otherwise. In fact, many artists have found that having a child has enriched their art, helped them become better creators, opened up new creative avenues, and provided a deep well of emotional energy and inspiration to create.

Some artists also believe that creating art inspired by the experience of parenthood can ultimately contribute to a more diverse musical landscape. Additionally, many emphasize the value of sharing personal experiences, both for the artist and their fans. The French-Senegalese singer-songwriter Anaiis highlighted this by stating, “Good art needs real experiences, you know?” Similarly, Nigerian singer Wayne Snow elaborated, saying, “What an artist has to offer is their life. If you’re a father or a mother, that should be part of what you show, because people look up to art to find a solution to everything. We’re just offering them a way to deal with chaos.”

As I mentioned at the beginning of our article, parenthood, particularly in its early stages, often brings a whirlwind of emotions. While it can sometimes be challenging to navigate and process these feelings, they can serve as the perfect ingredient for your music, leading you to creative spaces you may not have discovered before and helping you connect more deeply with your audience.

Caring for a child on its own can be overwhelming, and adding anything else to the mix can make it even more challenging. While creativity and inspiration are unpredictable and can strike at any time (even when it’s least convenient), it might be beneficial to set aside specific times for creative work when you can fully focus on your music without distractions. If such an option is possible for you, of course.

If you can, consider working on your art outside your home — whether in an office, recording studio, or another place where you won’t be interrupted. Turning off phone notifications, at least from social media platforms like Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and X, can also help you focus better.

Scheduling dedicated time for music-making is one thing, knowing what you’ll focus on during that time is another. As a parent, optimizing your time to make the most out of it is often essential.

Starting a session with an already predetermined theme or topic can help you maximize your productivity. Conversely, going into your sessions empty-handed, without a clear focus, may lead to juggling too many ideas at once, which can turn out counterproductive and draining.

It’s also crucial to view your time constraints as a valuable part of your creative process, rather than a limitation. It is unfortunate that having less time to create your art might mean less opportunity for perfecting every detail. However, as we mentioned earlier, perfection is unattainable. Instead, it may be more beneficial for you and your art to strive to embrace reality and remain authentic to yourself.

Balancing parenthood with your musical pursuits is challenging, but it’s important not to let them fully consume your life. Engaging in other activities beyond parenting and music is crucial for your mental, physical, and emotional health, and overall happiness. This might involve exploring new hobbies, like reading, sports, cooking, or anything else that you’d find interesting. You can also take more time to relax, meditate, and connect with loved ones.

Moreover, it’s vital to understand that not making music in your free time is not a waste. Life offers so many experiences outside of music and parenting that can bring you joy and ultimately enrich the things you care about most, such as raising your children and creating music.